The “In-Law” Debate

Okay, I was talking to my home girl and she was sharing with me her concern for dealing with her mother in law, so she proposed a question to me.  The question was, “Is it appropriate to have such a close relationship with your in-laws?”  Is it healthy to make yourself vunerable to people who you know have your spouse best interest over your own?   Let me break my friend’s scenario down a little farther, so that you understand where I’m trying to take this thing.  So, my friend had been with her husband for about ten years and naturally she has grown fond of her mother in law.  They shop together; go to church together; buy one another gifts; support one another financially; and go to family functions together (They did the mother- daughter thing!) .  So, recently my girlfriend found out that her mother in law knew about the many indiscretions that her son had during the course of their relationship.  Obviously, she felt betrayed that the woman who played “mommy” to her (while she didn’t have a stable relationship with her own mother), turned around and played the mommy role with the sideline ho.  Even though I understood my girl’s fury, the reality of the situation is that her mother in law’s loyalty is to her son.  Think about it, she has spent her son’s whole life nurturing; protecting; taking care of; and providing unconditional love no matter what (or who) he does.  Don’t think I’m taking away from my friend’s pain because her trust in her mother in law was betrayed.  She opened her heart and world to this women and invested as much (or almost as much) as she did with her spouse. 

So, to answer the question on ,”Do I approve on developing close relationships with your spouse’s family………OF COURSE I do! ”  I mean, (minus the drama ) having a relationship with your in-laws can be fulfilling and give you a stronger family dynamic.  Who doesn’t need more love and support?  At the end of the day you might not be super close to your inlaws, but you should strive to have at least a cordial relationship with them because these people will be around as long as you are with your spouse.  And most importantly, when you genuinely love a person, how could you not respect the people who shaped the person you fell in love with (even if their family is crazy, you love the crazy!).  Just remember to play your position and keep in the back of your mind that they will always have your spouse best interest over your own.

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