Now,I know I’m not the only woman who have witnessed the pain in her man’s disposition and actions because he is “too manly” to show any type of emotional anguish because it’s a sign of weakness due to the absence of their father. I didn’t find out just how much it bothered my hubby that his father was always an absent figure in his life until the day my husband put on his suit and did not know how to tie his tie. I think he was just as sad than embarrassed that he never had a male who could show him the things that only a father could teach his son. He was looking at me and I was looking at him with the dumbest look like”I don’t know what to do”. I mean , I was my dad’s only child, I didn’t need to know how to tie and tie! It’s so hard to watch a grown man with his very own family try to bottle up his emotions because he thinks that as a man, he can not express his angry, frustration, and sadness. That it’s wrong to say that his father has hurt him by leaving him. They don’t want to face the very things that has made them as hard as steel. Things like waiting up and sitting in the window all night because daddy said he was coming, teaching yourself how to shave, not knowing how to treat a woman because all he saw was daddy pounding mommy’s head in, wondering about your self-worth because your father made you feel like you were worth nothing, and trying to be affectionate to his son or daughter when his own father never hugged him or said I love you. What do you do to comfort your man? Nothing, because he is not yearning for a love that you can give, he is yearning for that “father- son” love that we could never as women can understand. My sister proposed a question to me, “Why don’t my husband just forgot about trying to love a man, who obviously refuses to love him back; when I’m right here loving him, wanting him”. At the time, I could understand her point, but again………. he has your love already………………….he wants that love from his father, a love that he has wanted his whole life. He wants the man who helped to give him life, be in his life and to erase the abandonment that has taken years to harden that place in his heart where his father is. He wants that man to show him how to exist in this world as a man; he want that embrace from someone who shares his perspective; he wants to know that the man who he knows as his father would do anything for him.
As women, how to we make this better. The truth is we can only numb it with our love and efforts for only a short time. We can not ease their pain when it comes to missing their father and his presence in their life. I think that they have to come to a peace within themselves to accept that their fathers were not responsible enough to be the father that he needed. They have to learn not to blame themselves and that the abandonment they feel is okay to feel, as long as the know that they are very much-loved and appreciated now. My prayer is that one day that these men get the chance to confront their fathers and get the answers they need to move on. But, like I told my husband, you may never get the answers you are searching for (Because their’s fathers probably don’t even know why he have made poor decisions other than his selfishness), just strive for a relationship with him now. It may not be that “son/father relationship ” because you both are men, but maybe they could build a friendship that will last until he end. In conclusion, MEN step up and be FATHERS because little boys who wants their fathers turn into grown, bitter men who still wants their DADDY.