Love Diaries: Marriage Changes Nothing…….. But Your Last Name

love signs

Okay DBlog family, here’s another one about love!  Well.,today after talking with a coworker about marriage, I wanted to share with you the conversation.  Well, the conversation started with both of us sharing our experience with love and marriage and I found we shared some of the same views although we come from two different directions.  See, she’s 40 ys old and has been married 3 times (first husband wanted a green card, second was gay, and third was a deadbeat junkie……….. I know sounds like a soap opera!).  My story was different, young woman with big dreams, who got marry to my first love with a “fairytale image” on what I expected married to be.  And I found out that even though she had a foot up on me (about 3), we both and most women get marry thinking that life will be so different and wonderful.  Being married for about fours years (together nearly nine), one thing that I learned……….. is that there is no fairytale or happy ending.  See, knowing that now, when I got married, I would have taken the time to ask myself and my husband our expectations of one another.  I would have told my husband before the vows that I wanted sex every night; back rubs three-times a week; hugs & kisses whenever I looked at him; all of his attention when I speak; love notes and flowers without it being Valentine’s  Day; and quality time.  I’m pretty sure my husband would have told me that he wanted football games without my questions; a hot meal every night, high heels in beds; foot rubs after work,  the right for him to play his xbox without me complaining,and no NAGGING.  The truth of the matter is that no one completely gets what they want or need in any relationship, but I do believe that each partner should work hard towards the others’ happiness.

I think that it’s important to know that after the “I Do’s” comes the “I Will Work Hard To Do’s”.  Marriage is constant work and is not an easy task, most of us don’t know what it takes to make ourselves happy, nonetheless another person. So please don’t think that it’s “all gravy” after marriage, that gravy turns lumpy real fast!  The important part is work hard and do not give up on your partner the first time something happens, know that marriage is “trial and error” at first.  NO ONE knows how to do that thing, it takes time to develop any relationship.  Stick in there, erase the “fairy tale image”, roll up your sleeves and get ready to fight for your relationship.  I say fight because at times it takes a fight to smooth out the wrinkles (When I say fight, not each other but any issue that arises whether it be for cheating or sickness of a spouse).  In conclusion, if you already had a tumultuous relationship “pre- marriage”, chances are that you will have one “post-marriage”.  Marriage doesn’t change anything, especially if your definition is not partnership, selfishness and a “big fancy wedding” shouldn’t be in your definition.  If it is, problems will plague your marriage. It’ s going to take willingness from both parties to work that thing out (And a lot of prayer)!  Let your girl know how you feeling about this one.

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