Love Diaries: What To Do When Your Spouse Doesn’t Give You The Affection That You Need

Okay, D’Blog family; it’s time for another love one!  Now, I know what you probably thinking; as a proud believer of Jesus Christ, that this subject at hand would be “cut and dry”; but it’s not.  Like, any partner in a relationship, the lack of affection and appreciate can destroy your perception of love, self-esteem, and self-worth.  So, when I had this conversation with a close friend, to their surprise; my views are like most people’s  perspective………………. you don’t know what to do? 

Now, I would be telling a lie, if I said the “political answer”, you should suck it up and accept what your husband/wife offers; you could continue to balance the marriage even when your partner’s effort is non existant; you should continue to sacrifice your happiness and desires for the kids………….. but I don’t feel like that. Any good man/women (wife/husband);  who is worth their weight in gold doesn’t deserve or want to accept this behavior. Who wants to give all of their love and receive nothing in return.  It makes you question yourself.  Am I not pretty enough?  Am I not attractive enough?  What is it in me that makes my spouse ignore me? What am I not doing? So, the question remains; what do you do when your spouse just won’t met you half way (or just a quarter of the distance)?  I wish the answer was that simple, especially if you have morals and seeking for outside affection and acceptance isn’t an option.  But, I do have a couple of suggestions……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

First things first, admit that there is a problem and that you need help dealing with this situation, a lot of people allow the shame and guilt to silence them;  they think that they can’t admit that their marriage/relationship is garage and it either needs disposal of or fixing.  It’s okay to admit thoughts that are shameful like ending the relationship or stepping outside of the relationship; you are human with real emotions…………………… and it’s time to address them without the shame and guilt because you want help.

The second thing, is to communicate with your spouse, even if it’s useless.  You don’t ever want them to say that you didn’t try to that you didn’t say anything.  We have to hold them accountable for their behavior, you have to open your mouth and not assume that they know how you feel (even if they really should).

Thirdly, surround yourself with positive thinking people, who doesn’t mind telling you that you are wrong.  You always have to address your side of the issue because it could be something that you have done or still doing to cause the resentment that your spouse may be holding towards you; that could have led to the disconnection. 

Fourthly, keep yourself busy with work, kids, church work, leisure activities, just to help keep your mind off of temptation because the enemy is quick to send that “other person” along when your spouse is acting cruel.

Next, you may have to consider other options if the relationship is depleting all your energy, sanity, and happiness.  Stress kills

Last, but certainly not least; remember to keeping praying.  God, is faithful and if you try not to lose your head and focus; things will work out.  They might not be perfect, but it could be a start of something great. Be patient and trust God’s will.

Well, I hope I helped a little, trust me, I have struggled in this area and I know that it’s not a ball game.  Just own your feelings and work towards the end result…………….. which is the love and affection that you need to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner or future partner!


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