Okay, I’m inspired to write about the break up drama and the kids because of recent attention that has been drawn to this specific issue. I mean, look at stories like Swizz Beatz and his ex- wife Mashonda. Miss Mashonda has recently made claims that the producer turned rapper has failed to make child/spousal support payments, but manage to by his “rumored” fiancée, Alicia Keys a seven carat engagement ring. That made me speculate, is she made at the fact that she wants her money, or the fact that he has moved on with someone she once inspired to be or that he is madly in love with someone other than herself (With Mashonda being a struggling singer looking for a break, often made references that she once admired Keys for her accomplishments before she had an affair with her then- husband, Swizz Beatz)? Swizz has made a comment and produced papers that he is paying more than he was ordered by the court due to him knowing that the money that was ordered wasn’t enough for his ex- wife to do what she wants to do (sounds fair to me). I know what you’re thinking, DRAMA. So, now I propose a question; what’s the rule to dating after the divorce or break-up? When do you bring your kids around the new mate? Does your ex have the right to tell you who you can bring your kids around? I have tons of opinions about this one, I just put my shoes in that situation, I mean how would I feel if my husband brought another woman around our son shortly after we broke up (or months later, no matter the duration; I’m not having it!)? I can’t lie, I would forbid it; I would probably be so bitter that our relationship didn’t work and now he wants to “play house” with some new chick around my son. But, the unhealthy part is my reasoning………………. jealousy. I think that’s why it’s so much tension between exes just because they haven’t gotten over the hurt of the demise of their relationship and the kids are easy ways to try to dictate and have some type of control in your ex-spouse’s life. Look it makes sense, you can’t tell your ex they can’t move on, but yet you can voice your opinion about who they can bring around your children. So, in your mind, you feel like you still have a little power even though the truth causes your emotions to be destroyed because you really have NO power or room in their personal life.
Now, let’s look at the other side of the spectrum. A part of me thinks that a man or woman does not have the right to question their ex on the people that they have around their children. Now ladies, stay with me; I know you think I sold out. But, personally if my husband and I divorced (I’m not saying I won’t be mad as hell or ready to kill him), I have not doubt in his judgment. My husband is an exceptional father and I trust that he wouldn’t make a decision like that without my input. I believe if you have open and honest communication with your ex and both come to the agreement that you both would only bring individuals around the children, who are respectful, kind, understanding, and not a child molester (Maryland Judicial Search is your friend!). I think if more broken families took the mature approach instead of the “I hate that you moved one and I hate that you have fallen in love with someone else” and “I’m not happy, so you can’t be happy” attitude, then the kids would not have to go through so much drama; when all they deserve are two loving parents. Let me know how you feeling on this one.
P.S. And Swizz & Mashonda, handle your business please! People, this is the prime example; no matter what your social status is, you are not immune to the troubles that all of us have to go through.